Tony's stash of textual information

Like it or not, my days are numbered. It has been so since the day my mother pushed this hunk of flesh out of her birth canal.

There is an urgency to live wisely – and not just knowledgeably. Knowledge is about facts, whereas wisdom is about knowing the difference between what matters in life, and what does not.

I have encountered a number of prompts from a certain John Izzo, (PhD). Let me attempt them, as inexperienced as I am, (as I ponder the vast yet beautiful wilderness of this star-strewn cosmic galaxy.)

Pretend you are at a dinner party, and everyone is sitting in a circle. The host invites each person to take just a few minutes to describe the life she has lived. If you were at the party and you wanted people to know as much about your life as possible in those few minutes, what would you say? Describe the life you have lived thus far.

I gave everything up to follow what God told me to do. It has brought me much pain – if you read the Bible, everyone who did God's will has become extremely unpopular; I think of Jeremiah, Moses and Mordecai – however I feel there is nothing more rewarding in my life. I have taken a huge gamble but it has paid off. I feel peace and joy on a consistent basis, these days. In the words of Robert Frost's famous poem: “I took the path less travelled, and it has made all the difference.” I still struggle with my emotions – frustration and irritation – however I feel I have become less reactive to outward circumstances. And indeed there are circumstances that can upset us no end, if we let them. But I believe I have a choice in how I respond. God helps me find a response. I am grateful for that. As pious people say: “God is the best of planners.”

What has brought you the greatest sense of meaning and purpose in life? Why does it matter that you were alive?

I have helped sentient beings who were in need of help. Having done the right thing at the right time, with the right people – I have a deep, abiding, inward feeling that “I am supposed to be alive for this moment.” A proverb from the Bible expresses it more eloquently:

A person finds joy in giving an apt reply— and how good is a timely word! (Proverbs, Chapter 15, Verse 23)

Or, as the late great Emily Dickinson has written:

If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain; If I can ease one life the aching, Or cool one pain, Or help one fainting robin Unto his nest again, I shall not live in vain.

What brought you / brings you the most happiness in life, the greatest joy moment to moment?

I have a four-year-old niece, by the gracious provision of God. She knows more about dinosaurs than I do. I'm privileged to witness her discovery of the vast cosmos around her. The world may not be new to me, but it is new to her. And I am living vicariously through her gleeful, playful assertion of her soul in the playground that is this planet.

And, best of all, she wants me to join her on her wonderful adventure. I'm honoured and blessed.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson says:

“What is success? To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!”

Tell me about a few of the major “crossroads” moments in your life, times when you went in one direction or another and it made a large difference in terms of how your life turned out?

Going to Taiwan alone, for four months, in my early twenties, not just to study at the top university there, but also see the natural beauty of million-year-old rock formations. I have no regrets about that, although that meant my life has (painfully) diverged from a lot of my same-age schoolmates, back in Singapore.

Another moment was moving out of my parents' house. I can't emphasise enough how difficult it is, to do that in land-scarce Singapore. I tried every trick in the book, and I reached my wits' end – but I did manage to find a bed somewhere far enough from my parents, thanks to the tender affection from God. This has allowed me to grow more intentionally over the past eight years (and counting).

Lest anyone accuses me of being ungrateful and unfilial – now I'm on better terms with my parents than ever. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”. The flip side is that “familiarity breeds contempt”.

What is the best advice you ever got from someone else about life? Did you take that advice? How have you used it during your life?

Look at yourself in the mirror, and ask: if today is the last day of my life, would I still do what I am about to do? If the answer is No, too many days in a row, then re-consider your priorities.

Thinking about death sounds morbid but it is energising. You are already naked in the face of death. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

You can only connect the dots, when you look backwards at your own life. Don't worry about how little sense your decision makes to others or even yourself. Somehow your heart already knows where it wants to go.

This is from Steve Jobs' speech at Stanford University. May his soul find eternal peace in the Here-after.

Now that you have lived out most of your life, what are you certain or almost certain matters a great deal if a person wants to find happiness and live a fulfilling life?

Find out what is compassion and what is not. (Thubten Chodron has talked a fair bit about the difference.) Then live out that compassion towards yourself and others.

As the Holy Bible has it: “it is more a blessing to give than to receive.”

And: “if anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.”

That work does not always have to come with a pay-cheque. Taking care of very sick people, very old people, very young humans – these are meaningful jobs that have satisfied me emotionally once I learnt to let go of the idea of measuring everything in money. Also learn to let go of expectations of any outcome. (It's difficult because of your ego).

In older days, people planted trees that take two hundred years to reach maturity. They hope that future generations can find shade under its branches. How much selflessness does that take?

My happiness depends on my thoughts. I'm unhappy if I think, “is somebody loving me?” I'm happy if I think, “am I loving somebody?”

Happiness requires effort and striving. Strive to be happy.

Now that you have lived out most of your life, what are you certain or almost certain does not matter very much in finding a happy life? What do you wish you had paid less attention to?”

Baudelaire's poems fascinated me when I was younger, however those little books cannot help me respond skillfully to a person who is in distress, in present-day emergencies. There are always more books out there. The question is: are the authors wise? are they heading towards disaster or bliss, in their own lives?

I wish I had idolised these famous figures less. Sit at the feet of your own life, and you can find your own wisdom that may benefit others. You may think that quoting from intellectual giants may make you sound smart, but at a certain point in your life, you have to decide that your own perspective has value – it is not just the great and significant figures who deserve to take up space in other people's consciousness.

I wish I had under-estimated myself less. Thankfully God has sent angels to encourage me to grow in self-confidence and self-esteem (which is different from arrogance).