Uh... I have to admit I have to think a bit, for that one.

I know! Why don't I look up what others have already said about me?

I feel shy though.

Here's something from J, a poet:

Thank you for your gentle, kindly presence and the warmth you bring to every space you enter.

Thank you, J.

And, from O, a restauranteur:

You play the piano so beautifully.

Aw, you're gonna make me blush. Thank you, O.

Okay, I think that's enough.

snapshots

bookshelf

1. The Heptameron, by Marguerite De Navarre
2. The blood of others, by Simone de Beauvoir (translated from the French).
3. Developing the leaders around you: How to help others reach their full potential, by John C. Maxwell.

#lunaticus

And, on a more than one occasion, a butterfly has floated past me, like a visitor from a far-away planet. I recall a humorous quip: “Life is like being stuck in a traffic jam, and moments of beauty are like the butterfly that floats past your windscreen as you stew inside your car: rare but much-needed.”

new-to-me stuff

1. the Bhairav scale, in an Indian raga. What is a raga? If a musical composition were to be a painting, a raga seems to be a kind of colour palette.
2. EPK is an acronym for Eka Pada Koundinyasana. In the field of “yoga”. I use inverted commas because yoga used to mean something else, a long time ago; but, these days, people view yoga as a kind of stretching exercise for the physical body.
3. If I write a sentence in Indonesian language – say, I want to write, “I gaze below, looking” – I could use either aku or beta to refer to myself. i.e. Beta menatap ke bawah. Or: aku menatap ke bawah. However aku seems to be the de facto choice among modern-day Indonesian people. Could beta be an anachronistic word today, though it may have been the fashion, a mere fifty years ago?

bookshelf

1. Malcolm Gladwell. The tipping point: How little things can make a big difference.
2. Simon Grigg. How bizarre: Pauly Fuemana and the song that stormed the world.
3. Roman Koshelev. (2023). Peo. Semela. Sefata: A philosophical tale.

#lunaticus

And, on a more than one occasion, a butterfly has floated past me, like a visitor from a far-away planet. I recall a humorous quip: “Life is like being stuck in a traffic jam, and moments of beauty are like the butterfly that floats past your windscreen as you stew inside your car: rare but much-needed.”

new-to-me stuff

1. the Bhairav scale, in an Indian raga. What is a raga? If a musical composition were to be a painting, a raga seems to be a kind of colour palette.
2. EPK is an acronym for Eka Pada Koundinyasana. In the field of “yoga”. I use inverted commas because yoga used to mean something else, a long time ago; but, these days, people view yoga as a kind of stretching exercise for the physical body.
3. If I write a sentence in Indonesian language – say, I want to write, “I gaze below, looking” – I could use either aku or beta to refer to myself. i.e. Beta menatap ke bawah. Or: aku menatap ke bawah. However aku seems to be the de facto choice among modern-day Indonesian people. Could beta be an anachronistic word today, though it may have been the fashion, a mere fifty years ago?

bookshelf

1. Malcolm Gladwell. The tipping point: How little things can make a big difference.
2. Simon Grigg. How bizarre: Pauly Fuemana and the song that stormed the world.
3. Roman Koshelev. (2023). Peo. Semela. Sefata: A philosophical tale.

How should I begin to tell the tale? Perhaps the lyrics of a jazz classic might express it more concisely. Presenting Nature Boy:

There was a boy A very strange and wonderful boy he travelled very far, very far over land and sea

Then one blessed day he came my way we spoke of many things fools and kings food and dreams beyond the endless seas

and then he said to me the greatest lesson you can learn is to love and be loved in return

Nature Boy, as you have never heard it before.

I have recently heard about Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development. (A table, with explanation, is there.)

Question for myself: if conventional schools and often-dysfunctional families are failing to support, or care for, adults who are capable of raising healthy, empowered children, what could be a skillful response that I could do, here and now, that would be fruitful to society and which would be least costly as possible?

To that end, I have been exploring opportunities – and conversations – with a few stellar individuals – who, flawed as they may be, have put ideas into action.

1. Daniel Tay, from Fridge Restock Singapore
2. Genevieve Ong, from Forest School Singapore
3. Kuik Shiao-Yin, from Common Ground Civic Centre
4. Thubten Chodron, from Sravasti Abbey.
5. Audrey and Siew Ling, from World Without Orphans (South-east Asia)

The above list is non-exhaustive.

To conclude a post that began with the premise that words can never suffice to describe the past one year – I give thanks for: enough rain to quench my thirst, over the past one year, and I give thanks for enough fertility of the neighbouring soil, which has nurtured fruits that have, in turned, nourished my body thus far.

As a wiser individual has observed: “Even the king eats from the fields.”

And, sharing some food for thought from a little nephew:

no rain, no flowers.

• fin

But kind souls are holding space for me to soothe this pain, in community. Feelings of gratefulness and gladness wash over me.

Some nice things that have helped me to navigate surges of sadness and other emotions:

• gelato
• sharing my sorrows with a friend whom I feel emotionally safe with
• impromptu sing-along sessions with strangers at public pianos (featuring pop songs with sad tear-jerking lyrics)
• long solo walks, on both quiet nights and sun-drenched days
• Anne Lamott's (hilarious) book: “Some Assembly Required: A Journal of My Son's First Son”.
• organic vegetables at dinner-time

I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

May I direct you now to Anne Lamott's Substack (e-newsletter). She's like an auntie who stays far away, lucid-eyed and pithily humorous when she comes over suddenly and gives you uncomfortable kisses that you never asked for, but which you appreciate anyway.

https://annelamott.substack.com/

#lunaticus

With the help of a few wonderful and illustrious women, I managed to serve them with salad, and lentil soup, and pizza, all of which were vegan or at least vegetarian. They left behind a reasonable amount of local currency, as a reciprocal gesture.

“We are big eaters,” one of them said, cheerily.

They requested information and I looked up some online resources to furnish them with. The following is a non-exhaustive list:

1. https://cnalifestyle.channelnewsasia.com/dining/home-cafes-singapore-coffee-matcha-trend-465956
2. https://www.wired.com/1993/04/gibson-2/
3. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/268504712_Generation_Names_in_China_Past_Present_and_Future
4. https://www.nlb.gov.sg/main/article-detail?cmsuuid=d937e20c-d28d-451b-a661-951a056c8c33

After the night ended, one of their party sent a message: “So nice to meet you. Let us keep in touch.”

And so concludes one chapter in the book that is their life-sojourn. It is my undeserved privilege to have been part of their story, which has had many twists and turns, I am sure.

snapshots

bookshelf

1. Michael J. Fox. (2010). A funny thing happened on the way to the future: Twists and turns and lessons learned.
2. Editors: Ong, Zhang et al. (2023). Assault on the body: Sexual violence and the gospel community.

#lunaticus

On that evening, (8 PM with unbelievable humidity), he introduced me to the cool visual effect of light trails.

What is a light trail?

Here is an example, all the way from Spain.

Photo by Caleb Stokes on Unsplash.

And here are my results, after much trial-and-error (from twiddling with the knobs and dials on a camera that a friend recently gifted to me.)

Don't laugh, I tried my best. Say it is a masterpiece. Say it!

How to make a light trail

This sounds scary, but I'm going to introduce something called an Exposure Triangle.

Basically these are fundamental settings that determine how an image turns out after light passes through your camera. You may have heard that photography means “painting with light”, when you dig into the etymology.

So I adjusted the settings on my camera, according to a handy Cheat Sheet below.

cheat sheet is courtesy of an anonymous contributor.

As you may have guessed from the cheat sheet, I deliberately chose settings that let in more light, and which keep the shutter open for long enough for the vehicle lights to be “painted” into the final image.

Technically speaking, I used an aperture setting of 2.5 f-stops. And a shutter speed setting of ¼. And an ISO setting of 100.

Whew, that's a lot of words. I think I'm done with this blog post.

Thank you, Dan Nian and Jill, for the lovely camera, (a Panasonic Lumix DMC-LX5).

Q: How do you handle fame? It's so easy to get lost in ego and fame. Bon Jovi said: “Fame is a liar and a thief. I've seen it ruin people. It is what I do, and I do it well, but it does not define me. I have a family, a business, and tennis.” Fame can be so destructive.

A: Don't define your worth based on who takes a photo with you after red-carpet events, or how many followers you have on social media. Find the people you look up to, such as directors or other actors, and ask them for their feedback on your craftsmanship as an actor. If you believe your own publicity, then you will also believe the negative comments.

Q: do you think your roles represent you as the person you want to be? You have worn many hats – you have been an actor, a producer, and a director.

A: [chuckles.] That's quite a meta- kind of question. [pause] I bring my best self to work. I show up on time. On set, I give everyone the time of day: the AD (Assistant Director), the ADPA (Assistant Director Production Assistant), and the caterer. There are so many people on set. And, I like tequila, [audience laughs] but 48 hours before a shoot, I avoid drinking. If you can hold your liquor, that's fine, but that's how I conduct myself. I don't know if this behaviour represents my race, my ethnicity, and my nationality, but that's what I do.

Q: how did it happen? How did you get inside the world of [redacted]?

A: Well, I met this guy, [redacted], in [redacted]. I don't know what possessed me, but I gave him a bunch of cards, and said, “Here are my head shots”. One year later, he called me up on a Thursday, and said, “The casting director wants to see you on Saturday, in [redacted].” Now, there was no way I could get from [redacted] to [redacted] on such short notice. And you know how casting calls work in [redacted], you have a specific time that you show up, say, 5.27 PM, and if you are not there, you're out. But, you know, my niece – she's here today, in the audience – and my mother, they went with me to the airport. They said, “It doesn't matter, the size [of your travel expenses]. This is your dream, right?”

So I flew over, I rented a car, and I went to [redacted]. And I was very jet-lagged, and I entered the room, and I saw ten other people, who all looked just like me. [audience laughs.] And, I have been directing for years, I haven't auditioned in a while, and my nerves were starting to get to me. And then I went into the room – there is a Flow state that musicians have, you know, where you just get lost in the music – well, I went into the room, and I said my lines, and then I left the room, and after that, I realised I couldn't recall what I did in that room. Not a thing.

And then I waited six weeks, paying for my lodging, out of my own pocket, and then they called me in for a second audition. And it gets even more nerve-racking, because you're closer now, but there's also a chance that everything could end for you, just like that [snaps fingers]. Behind actors' huge confidence is a huge sense of insecurity and fear. [audience giggles.]

And you think the Casting Director can get you in, but the Casting Director is just the beginning. You have to talk to the Studios, to see if they want you, and then you have to talk to the director. This director, [redacted], he meets people in person, for the smallest role. There was this character who has only one line in the whole movie – he says: [redacted] – and the director went to have coffee with him, just to hear him say that one line.

So, some time later, I was driving, and I got a call. And [redacted] said, “are you sitting down?” I said, “I'm not, I'm driving! But I will try to stop driving.” So I pulled into a gas station, and then she said, “You got it.”

And I don't have enough time to tell you everything that I have seen on set, the lovely actors I've met.

Sometimes I look at the sound stage, I look at the stunt crew, and I just let it all sink in. The night before, I'm rehearsing my lines in my head, and saying them out loud, over and over – so that it comes out as naturally as possible – but when I arrive on set, and see everything moving, I just have to let it sink in: “This is really happening.”

#acting

I attempt to distill my experiences into a Venn diagram below.

snapshots

I took away a quote (attributed to John C. Maxwell):

Everything rises and falls on leadership.

And what does healthy, effective leadership look like?

Food for thought: “the hype is about Servant Leadership. Be that as it may, everyone wants to be a leader, but no one wants to be a servant.

The below slide is from a talk that targets 18-year-old impressionable young adults, (often from broken and dysfunctional families).

As they say: you gotta start 'em early.

bookshelf

1. The Tirukkural, translated from Tamil into English, by Gopalkrishna Gandhi.
2. Interpreting Star Wars: Reading a modern film franchise, by Miles Booy.
3. Blindness, by Saramago. Translated by: Giovanni Pontiero.

#lunaticus

“You came on the wrong night,” he whispered conspiratorially to me. “Tonight's programme focuses on the Principal Players of the orchestra. You will seldom get to see the full orchestra in action tonight.”

Pause.

“Anyway, why are you here? I thought you were only interested in the piano.”

“I wanted to know how Er Hu players make such a sad melody from their instruments. Did they just have a sad childhood, or is it the snake skin?”

“Well, the Er Hu has a competitive advantage over other instruments, in sounding sad,” he replied, in a somewhat matter-of-fact way. As if it were an unsurprising development in the world, as everyday an occurence as a cloud that passes by the sky. Or the ants that come near my favourite cookies. But back to music.

After the performance ended, I overheard an audience member ask the Principal Player: “the piece was meant to highlight the Henan region in China – the people, and their dances, and their music. I'm from that region myself, and I found your performance very moving. I thought you portrayed it very well. May I know how you did your research?”

Pause.

“Well, when I was performing with another orchestra, the orchestra's leader was the very same composer who wrote the piece. I had the opportunity and privilege to ask him, musical phrase by musical phrase, what he wanted to say through his composition.”

That reminds me of a saying, passed down from one craftsperson to another:

Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.

Question for myself: what preparations am I making for the future, right now?

But, this must be balanced with wisdom. As a proverb goes:

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

• from the Biblical book of Proverbs, chapter 19, verse 21

Well, at least the Principal Player was honest about his diligence.

Let me conclude this blog post with a poem from the performance programme yesterday.

Seeing off Yuan Junior on a Mission to Anxi.

Morning raindrops blanket the dust of Wei City and this guesthouse — and these lush green willows — I insist you drink one more cup of wine to the West beyond Yang Pass, no old friends in sight.

To see the poem in the original Tang-dynasty Chinese language (which was in use in the approximate time period of 618 AD to 907 AD), please head there (the page beyond includes advertisements):

https://www.arteducation.com.tw/shiwenv_12a2295aa76b.html

• fin

#PostPerformanceThoughts